201012
by obedoei
fifty nein!
So... woke up this morning with a funny start.
Around the time when my room mates woke up (10am or so) but I was still half asleep, I heard them speaking in Japanese probably saying how I was still asleep and that it was already so late in the day.
When I finally woke up at around 12.30pm, I said good morning to one of them and then changed it to "good afternoon" and both of them laughed probably thinking I'm one crazy nocturnal guy.
Anyway... as it approached 2pm, both my room mates left the room to go do what they needed to do today and I was left alone eating my cereal.
As innocent as it sounds, it was nowhere near innocent. You see, the past couple of days has been filled with a very violent struggle against my flesh and what it desired... To be perfectly honest, it has served as an obstacle between God and thus has resulted in days of dry prayer...
In summary, today was extremely hard and the temptation was so great it felt like I was going to fall... (For those more curious, you can ask me for the details as it is a rather personal struggle).
In the last moments of the fight, I believe that God had intervened and thankfully, I gathered the courage to say 'no'.. What could have led to days and weeks of guilt-filled sessions was prevented, and it is a victory worth sharing.
In my weakness afterward, I knew I needed some refreshment and a real desire to seek God in meditation emerged within.
For the first time in 3 weeks, I have finally resumed reading DoaGM... and what a great time to start on the section of CHARACTER.
As I was walking to the river, Starfield's Rediscover You played on my mp3 and there was a real excitement inside to seek Jesus.
I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion
I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone
And I want to get it back
You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You
I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same
"Look for You and I will find, so I'm here, like I'm searching for the first time... Revive me, Jesus".
Going to the river on a cold, cloudy and windy day to read and meditate on God's word was my sycamore tree today... And I can gladly say I saw Jesus.
At the river, there were lots of fish jumping.. Big fish and small fish.. Quite a sight XD.
Anyway... the chapter on Integrity.. Funny because back home, I have an INTEGRA yet I lack INTEGRITY. Get it?
...
Integrity... What is Integrity?
There isn't really an easy way to summarise Integrity... But I'll try.
Integrity is never settling for second best or 99.9%... It is keeping to your word and keeping true to who you are 100% of the time.
It is easier to stay true to your word 100% of the time than it is 99% of the time. Once you give into a 'first time', it becomes increasingly easier to gratify its continuity.
Integrity is about keeping 100% true just as it is about 100% disciplined.
Psalm 15 says..
1 Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?
2 The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart;
3 whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbor,
and casts no slur on others;
4 who despises a vile person
but honors those who fear the Lord;
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
and does not change their mind;
5 who lends money to the poor without interest;
who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
Whoever does these things
will never be shaken.
A person with integrity is one who is 'blameless, righteous, truthful, casts no slander, despises vileness, honors those who fear the Lord, KEEPS AN OATH EVEN WHEN IT HURTS, does not change their mind and not a cheat'.
To be blameless doesn't mean that you are 100% faithful to a habit. We are still sinful and imperfect human beings, so failure is normal. Praise God if you have been 100% faithful to a habit, but keep this in mind..
1) A person who is 100% faithful to a habit
2) A person who is 90% faithful but is showing a real struggle to maintain integrity
Being blameless in this case applies to both person(s). If you are showing real signs of struggle to put down a sinful habit and you have a real desire to change for good, I believe you would be deemed as 'blameless'.
So for those who may be feeling like a failure right now.. Take heart. It is never too late to try again.
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
Persevere and build yourself a strong character founded in God's love and tempered through the fires of suffering.
In verse 4 of Psalm 15.. "Keeps an oath even when it hurts" is a crucial point.
Even if you have to beat your body to knock some sense into you... Even if you have to lay down your pride for the sake of reconciliation... Even if you have to lose popularity and friends for the sake of God... Have Integrity in keeping true to your identity as a child of God who has put behind a life of sin and detachment from God.
When your mind wanders into the realm of lustful fantasies, slap, pinch or punch yourself... It works, trust me =].
May we all live God-glorifying lives and when the time calls, may we put our bodies, pride, status and belongings secondary to God's glory.
I think it was John Piper who once said something along the lines of..
"There is nothing scarier in this world to the devil than a man of integrity."
I tried to trace back the sermon.. But I couldn't.. I'm sorry... =[
But anyway... Let us keep living as honest, truthful, encouraging and loving witnesses of Christ... as soldiers of integrity so that we may say NO when the world says YES, and YES when the world says NO.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Met up with Soo, Lyna and Eero.
This is Soo! We had dinner (Bibimbap) with Eero and Lyna.
Finished....
We then went window shopping at Wangsimni... XD.
Big backpack.
SCARY AS ZOMBIE. O M G. I should've recorded it... but if you stood in front of it, its eyes would glow red and it'll jump at you.... I got so scared and screamed when it jumped at me...
Getting ready for Halloween so it seems..
We then went bar surfing LOL.
Drank mango soju and beer and ate LOTS of fresh fruit and shaved ice + red bean (Patbingsoo).
A jug of mango soju, 2 bottles of soju, a 2L jug of beer and the fruits = $8 each person. WOOHOO!
How I miss Bananas....
After this, everyone went clubbing or more bars.. So I walked back to the dorm to have a quiet end of the night in prep for church later today.
Thankful: A refreshing day today... One of the most peaceful and deep prayer sessions I've had in a long time by the river.. Until a random man walked up next to me on the bridge as I was praying... BUT MEH. =].
Prayerful: Integrity. The courage to say no during times of temptation and to always live out a truthful and honest life as a witness for Christ.
Dangers: Controlling myself when drinking. Even if I'm not as tipsy or drunk, I should still remain calm so as to not give the impression that I'm a drunk with no self-control.
