180912
by obedoei
two seven
quiet, uneventful but still a good day.
had my typical Tuesday classes today... International Law + International Business.
I found out my Internash Law lecturer will not be in next week.. so our next class will be in October.. not sure if a good thing.. he'll be taking some time during the exam holiday period to catch up... =[
a beautiful day today though... the sun was out. =]
inside the Graduate building
i also made a new friend today.. her name is Julia. she's a young high school graduate who is undertaking a language exchange for one year. she's very nice, very cute and very innocent.
Along with Michael, Lyna, Nicole and Julia, we had lunch at Valance Burger (Valance = Value + Balance). It reminded me of Grill'd except Grill'd is more gourmet and the chips are definitely better at Grill'd. It was nice though... $5 for a burger (not cheap).
after that we went to E-mart to buy Julia's dorm supplies... soap and laundry detergent... and off we went back to the dormitory... did I mention we caught the awkward all-girls bus twice today? Apparently guys are allowed to take it, it's just a rare sight... Kinda like seeing a girl in Engineering... or a non-asian in Commerce... (no offense intended... all for humorous purposes).
for dinner, we went to a shop that's translated as... Home made Onigiri and Beef on rice. LOL.
paid $2.50 for a cup of sushi rice, meat and onigiri stuffing.
it was pretty good though.
after dinner, i agreed to help Lyna with her Korean homework.. she (along with Eero, Nicole and Julia) have just started learning how to read Korean and it's rather cute. I thought it would be nice revision as well, so I agreed to help them with learning.
so we studied in the cafeteria.
Cafeteria
Cafeteria front.
I stole Daesung's spoon.
Studying hard... kinda...
to be perfectly honest...
my heart feels hard.
i was very close to falling off the edge tonight... maybe in the past couple of days i've been standing on the very edge of my faith... in my pride and false sense of immunity i have thought i have overcome my sinful desires once and for all... i thought that i had the power to overcome temptation... i thought it was safe to let go of God's hand.
tonight, i had a read of my friend's blog... a person who i can confidently say is one of my closest and most cherished friends. we've been through quite a lot when you take into account that we've only known each other for a year and a bit (meeting her through Mei-Sze in May 2011 at Market City).
from random day trips outside of Sydney, to late night MYC slizzdom, to late night UNSW scrapbook decorating and so on... Peiting and I have shared some quite fond memories.
This is just an extract from her blog post on 'Exchange'.
I guess that also begs the question - who would I be when I come back after 6/10 months time? How will my faith in Jesus look like? Do I want to know how much the clay can withstand the furnace? Because I can come back with my back turned against God, hardened by the many things I have seen and experienced during my trip. Or I can come back hardened by the perseverance that develops character, refined by the challenges that I have encountered.
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The ultimate question, I suppose, boils down to this - Does my going on exchange please God? If yes, I know what to do. If no, I know what to do.
Reading it made me think twice about where I am right now..
Do I really know who or what I'll be when I come back? Even worse... if I was so close to falling off the edge tonight, will I even last 6 months? let alone 2?
If I do believe that God is shaping me right now during this tough exchange experience (where temptation seems to be siding alongside my sinful past)... was I ever a piece of clay that was intended for such a hot furnace? Will I break? Will I come out too soft? too hard?
... Or... will my time here overseas without a watchful brother's eye give me so much freedom to see and do shameful things?... and come back worse off than when I started?
...
............ or will I rise up beyond what I think I can achieve and begin to believe in the things that God can achieve.
Reflection is an amazing God-given ability that we all have... because now I think I may know where I've gone wrong.
Perhaps today, I've relied too much on my own power... Instead of fleeing temptation, I am fighting it. Instead of filling my thoughts up with God, I am filling it up with battle strategies. Instead of listening to warning signs, I am proudly saying 'Come at me and test me'.
What good is a piece of clay without a Potter?
What good is a branch without the True Vine and the Divine Gardener?
What good are we God, without You...
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I still do not know whether or not my exchange experience will please God.. Reflection unfortunately does not reveal the future.
I don't know if I will grow into the person I hope to be when this is all over...
I also do not know how many more times I can break through my pride and admit my sinful nature...
..
But no matter where I stand... or where I've fallen asleep...
I have a God who hasn't given up on me.
For that sole reason, tonight, I'm holding on.
Thankful: Reflection and God's inspiration to write this blog post tonight... I was so tempted to just write a half-hearted post.
Prayerful: Humility, self-control, integrity and a very watchful eye to my surroundings.
Dangers: I'm getting too loose with my heart and too reckless.
