020513

by

two hundred and fifty two

Today introduced probably one of the widest ranges of 'emotional mixes' I've had in my life thus far....
There was ANGER, PANIC, JOY, EXCITEMENT, DISAPPOINTMENT, WORRY, HOPE and back to DISAPPOINTMENT.

Well let's start from square one...

ANGER
One of my room mates (we will call him HY) came home last night drunk off his nuts. He went straight to bed and initially didn't make much of a ruckus... so I didn't mind really.. But this morning (and every other post-drunk morning) was a very different story.

Now to put it into context, he probably goes drinking once every 2-3 days.. He claims that his colleagues drink a lot so he has to drink... But that doesn't explain the need for him to go drinking every Friday or Saturday night until 3am and coming home drunk off his nuts... It's not his drinking habits that irritate me... It's the fact that he should know when to stop drinking so he doesn't come home all drunk and on the verge of puking. You see, he makes these puking sounds and it sounds like he just puked in his mouth or something.. It's loud, disgusting and VERY off-putting... Especially when he does this the morning after - regardless of day and inconsiderate of the fact that I need my sleep.

So anyway.. this morning, I woke up to the sound of his vomiting.. It went on for a good 5 minutes and it was louder than my alarm... When he got out of the bathroom, in my subconscious rage I said to him "do you have like self-destructive tendencies or something? Far out."... to which he replied "Yup" .. but in a very shake-offy way and definitely not apologetic.. When this happened the first time, I told him that I wasn't happy and he said that he won't do it again... But come on.. This is probably the 10th time ever since that time and I've even resorted to sleeping outside so as to avoid him as much as possible. Anyway, even as he got ready for his internship, he was still puking and slamming doors and generally being annoying.. So my morning was already ruined.

PANIC
At approximately 9.30am, I woke up to my alarm - sleepy and really not bothered for class. I went on the computer and checked my email... After sorting all that out and chasing things up, I realise the clock just ticked 10am... half an hour before my class.. half an hour before my presentation. Loveeeeeeeeeely. Haha....

Quick shower, skipped breakfast, blah blah blah.. Got to class at 10.45 and the professor greeted me with a laugh "I thought you weren't coming! Bahaha." Instant relief.

JOY
The presentation went well? I guess haha... Professor seemed to enjoy it and so did the class (except for one person who decided to catch up on sleep during my presentation).

EXCITEMENT
Next class was somewhat more fun, but it was the end of it that I was looking forward to... Met up with Jo to catch up and bum around town. We had a bbq buffet and I definitely ate my share haha. Good chats and good catch up, especially talking about the fun events that will happen soon (MT, end of sem, Philippines).

DISAPPOINTMENT
Well... My one and only grad application got rejected. Ha. Being in Korea, I was very restricted as to the grad jobs I could apply for - being physically absent from Sydney... But this particular company had a subsidiary in Korea so I was able to attend some of their testing in that office... But regardless, I got cut off just before the interview stage. Perhaps I am lacking in extra-curricular activities or perhaps it's just bad timing.. 

WORRY
And then the worry kicks in... What if I'll never find a grad job? What if I'm not a suitable candidate for ANY company.. What if the job-seeking process takes years and years and my future becomes more and more insecure? Thinking about it, this was a similar thought process that I had when I applied for a Christmas casual job in 2010... What if Myer doesn't accept me and I'll be jobless for the next few months/years... 

HOPE
The funny thing was that.. in 2010, I did get a job, but it wasn't with Myer or any of the positions that I hoped for... It was with Luxottica and it was a position that I never even imagined to have gotten. Either way, I was/am 110% pleased that I got it - it was a great job, a great learning journey and it did more than just pay the bills... It was definitely by far a better alternative to any of the other positions that I considered... And so in remembering that, I also remembered that my God works in mysterious ways, and though sometimes I may have a narrow scope regarding my future, my God has a plan for me.. A plan that transcends my understanding and my innermost expectations... A plan that I can place my 100% hope in.
If TRUST is what keeps your legs walking in that dark tunnel, HOPE is what keeps your head up - ready for that light at the end of it.

DISAPPOINTMENT
Right now though.. I'm back to this state of disappointment. The days continue to count down and I'm still so distracted by immature and childish things. It's not so much that I feel the same... It's that I feel as if I've missed the bulk of the opportunities that were initially presented to me. I'm disappointed at myself because I have been ignorant.


Thankful: Presentation was a success despite the two day prep. Good catch up and God's comfort in helping me see the good in bad news.

Prayerful: Against anxiety, against insecurity and for an undying trust in a faithful God.

Dangers: I feel as if I'm losing patience very quickly these days....