one hundred and fifteen.
115 days... 115 days since I've been here.. A week more and it'll mark my 4 months.. My gosh.
Looking back 4 months... Things were a lot better at the start. Fresh, strong, focused.. although naive.
Naive because I thought it would be easy to sustain 10 or so months of being faithful to one cause - growth.
Looking back 3 months... Classes have started and already feeling the pressures of a University student in Korea. Distractions came around, but I managed to remain unshaken.
Looking back 2 months... Comfort and a constant absorption into the typical youthful life meant a deeper but all the more dangerous struggle to keep up with disciplines I once had.
Looking back 1 month... A repetitive cycle. Counting down the days until the end of semester. Booked out weekends to meet with friends. An absorption into the fun and games - often forgetting the real spiritually worthwhile opportunities held out on display for me to grasp hold.
Looking back on today...
Nothing's right.
Deep inside, I feel a sense of discomfort and a huge sense of distance from the first time I stepped out of that plane 4 months ago.
Things indeed have changed. Devotions, quiet times, reading, prayer and even just valuable chatter have all diminished to a dry and empty non-existence.
There is no doubt about it.
I am losing sight of what I came here to see.
I am losing hearing of the Voice I sought for guidance.
I am losing taste of the sweetness and desire for divine wisdom and teaching.
... I am losing touch of the person I first wished to mature into upon my return.
Things aren't right, right now.
There are things I must deal with. Urgently.
Things have changed. Changed ever so dramatically. As hard as it is to admit it, I'm finding it hard to stand strong.
...
Yet I am still comforted that one crucial element has not changed.
My God remains the same.
Remain by Starfield
Defender of this heart
You loved me from the start
You never change
Through the highs and lows
As seasons come and go
You never fail
Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good
You are God with us
You're victorious
You are strong and mighty to save
For Your word stands true
There is none like You
And when all else fades
You remain
When troubles come my way
You guide and You sustain
Lead me, I pray
Forever You will be
The great eternal King
Now and always
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So... I forgot that I had taken pictures of last night (Friday night).
Long Island ice tea and my Gin + Tonic.
Soo + Eero + Darren. Good mates =].
In my corridor/hallway in the dormitory... There are boxes piled up... With suitcases inside and suitcases on top labelled with the outbound ticket tags ready to be transferred to the airport. I believe it is one of those luggage shuttle services that transfer them straight to the airport + respective planes.
On top of that... I've never seen the dormitory so empty. Tonight for dinner, there were only a handful of perhaps 8 people eating at a given time... When usually there would be 50+.
Now that the semester is officially over, students are heading back to their hometowns. My room mate has just left for Japan tonight and all of my exchange friends will be leaving next week. Crazy huh....
Thankful: Sleeping in. Sufficiency in rest.
Prayerful: Church tomorrow. Focus and rediscovery.
Dangers: Over thinking a lot of things...
